


blood for poppies

by orphan_account



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Drug Dealing, Gangs, M/M, Mechanics, Motorcycles, Murder, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-15
Updated: 2013-10-15
Packaged: 2017-12-29 11:45:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1005043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The blood on his hands doesn’t bother him. He’s used to it by now. Timo wants to go, and Berwald, who loves Timo more than anything in the world, will see to it that he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. meet & greet

**Author's Note:**

> This work was loosely inspired by Ducere's artwork: http://ducere.tumblr.com/post/47709322580/hum-that-au-where-fin-is-part-of-a-biker-gang-and
> 
> The only thing really taken from this is the fact Berwald's a mechanic and Timo is in a gang. Giving credit where credit is due!

“Sooo… you’re _Berwald Oxenstierna_ , huh?” A chime of the bell rings in Berwald’s ears as a young man enters his shop. He moves from the car he had been tuning up, wiping his hands with a nearby towel. He gives a silent nod, retrieving his glasses and giving the customer a scrutinizing look-over. Short, a bit chubby, yet very attractive. Cute, mostly. Berwald hums.

“What can I help ya with?” he asks, pretty impressed the man doesn’t flinch under his stare. Most do, most avoid eye contact and ask for him to just “fix her up” and they’re out of there. Instead, he’s being looked over, the man then wandering over to the car to inspect how well he can fix vehicles. So Berwald assumes.

“I’ve got a bike. A motorcycle. I was wondering if you worked on those, too. I heard you’re pretty good… and downright frightening.”

Ouch. Pretty blunt.

“That so. I work on bikes, t’answer yer question,” Berwald replies, folding his arms. He tilts his head and adds on, “ya don’t look very scared, though.”

“Oh, I am. I just hide it better nowadays. If I came in here a couple years ago, I would have ran out screaming! Ahaha… ah, but enough of that! Okay, so you fix bikes. That’s great. When could I bring mine in here? I think it needs a couple of parts, but who knows. I don’t think she’s a goner. At least I hope… uh, do you charge inspection fees? Oh, you probably do. Well, that’s okay—“

_He talks a lot. Wow._ Berwald cuts in quickly, “No. I’ll give ya a free inspection. Jus’ bring it in tomorrow. Before noon.”

“Really!? Oh, this is _great!_ All right, before noon. I’m Timo. Timo Väinämöinen. I already know your name. Wouldn’t want to be rude. I _am_ a customer now, after all,” Timo says, smiling. The way he smiles makes Berwald’s chest tighten. It’s charming. He could see it being used for nefarious purposes, though he doubts the sweet looking man would be involved in such affairs.

“Right. See ya.” Always smooth, he is. No, ‘can I get your number?’ from him. Berwald wasn’t the type to hit on someone, even if he was very, very interested in them. Then again, he hasn’t been interested in anyone, really. His brother had tried time and time again to change that, but it was always a no go. No guy suited his taste.

But this guy, Timo, he suited that taste perfectly.

He waved in return to Timo’s wave, watching him get out of the shop. The chime of the bells echo in his ear as he glances to the car, sighing. If only he weren’t busy today, maybe he would have stayed.

_Well, there’s always tomorrow._

\--

“Yooooo, Earth to Berwald? Dude, Luke, I can’t get ‘im ta pay attention to me! He’s been zonin’ for the past _hour_ ,” Matthias whines, throwing his head back to look at Lukas as he crosses the kitchen.

“Don’t call me that. He doesn’t want any of yer shit,” Lukas states bluntly, punching Matthias’ shoulder as he moves to sit in his chair. He gives Berwald a glance, intrigued all the same. While they have a silent understanding of each other, he doesn’t understand what’s going on now. Berwald hasn’t been paying attention to much. His coffee has sat untouched for five minutes. He doesn’t really let it cool, normally. Matthias has been pushing and waving and talking his head off, but he hasn’t budged.

“I think the bastard’s in love.”

“I don’t even know ‘im,” Berwald states quickly, finally looking at Matthias. Both he and Lukas’ eyes widen. Matthias’ hand stops mid-air from waving in Berwald’s face again. Just as quickly, Matthias starts laughing loudly, using his hand to cover his face.

“I was fuckin’ _right!_ Oh, shit! Yer in love!? With who? Ya gotta tell us these things! Especially if yer gonna be bringin’ him over here—“

“’m not. I don’t know ‘im, I said.”

“Oh, _please._ Dude, ya haven’t even grunted at us. Yer coffee’s fuckin’ _cold._ Yer thinkin’ about him at least. What’s his name? Is he hot? Nice ass?” Matthias implores, wincing when Lukas punches him a little harder for the last couple of questions. He sips his coffee again, looking uninterested, though Berwald knows better. _Those curious bastards…_

“Timo. He’s… cute. Gonna be in my shop tomorrow,” Berwald answers, knowing that if he doesn’t, he’d just be teased more. He might as well get it over with. Though, love? Really? That’s a bit soon.

He had been thinking about him since he left. And that was five hours ago.

Lukas glances up at Berwald briefly, setting his mug down. Customers always intrigue him, largely due to him helping Berwald manage his business. “What kind of car?”  
  
“Not a car. A bike. Dunno what it looks like yet.”

“Shit, Berwald. Didn’t think ya’d go after a biker dude. Aren’t those guys real burly? And with lotsa hair? Gross, dude.”

“He’s not hairy. He’s soft.” At least he looks it. He looks so nice and soft and cute. He’s a little chubby, but he’s nowhere near what Matthias is thinking. Not his type, while Timo _is_ his type. The complete package.

Matthias grins, trying hard not to break into a laughing fit again. He glances to Lukas as if to say, ‘ _he’s so fuckin’ in love with him._ ’

Lukas just nods. There’s the faintest hint of a smile on his face.

“Well, congrats, dude! Ya finally feel somethin’ for someone. Thought ya were a goner, honestly. Thought ya’d die a virgin, all alone in some hospits…”

“Hospice,” Lukas corrects.

“That’s what I said! A hospice!”

“ _Whatever_ ,” he whispers, shaking his head. Berwald hums, not really caring about what Matthias is saying. He doesn’t want to think about it. He just met him. Love at first sight is the biggest, most trite cliché known to man. He doesn’t really believe in it, simply because he never wanted anyone before. It was just a shallow attraction. He knows Matthias has felt things like that, and acted on them, but Berwald wouldn’t. He would fix Timo’s bike and then he’d never see him again. Or, maybe he’d see him every once in a while, for more tune-ups.

What if he botches it? Maybe he makes it seem like he fixed it nice and good, but Timo comes in the next day and he admits to what he did… maybe he’d ask him to dinner.

Haha. Not a chance. He would mess up, and not to mention he wouldn’t want to piss him off. He wouldn’t want to do a terrible job, especially when Timo would be paying for it.

Sighing, he gets up, ignoring whatever one-sided conversation Matthias was engaging him (or Lukas) in. He didn’t focus on anything. He had to take his mind off of Timo, at least until he would see him the next day. He also needed to take his mind off him for the sake of his sanity. At this rate, he wouldn’t be sleeping that night.

_How pathetic._

\--

“So, good news guys! I’m gonna have my bike fixed tomorrow. I _promise_ it’ll be good to go. We’ll take care of business as usual. It’s just a minor set-back. Right?” Timo asks, looking to his friends. He gets a few nods and shrugs and he laughs it off. “Don’t look so down! It’ll be good. Oh, and don’t forget, this bust has to be smooth. No trails.”

He makes eye contact with someone. Timo pauses, narrowing his eyes. Eventually, the man relents, shrugging and just saying “okay.”

Missions dealing with more dangerous manners go to Timo. The gang he’s part of respects him. He’s a good decoy. He’s cute, innocent looking. The whole biker thing throws a lot of people, as does the fact he’s a metal fan. What they don’t know is that he’s a part of a notorious gang. They do both good and bad. It depends on who they’re dealing with. Timo isn’t proud of it by any means. He was good and kind at one point, but he needed money, and he knew how to work a motorcycle. The pieces fell into place from there. He made good friendships, though some didn’t last.

His bike had been wrecked because of a run-in with a rival gang. He had gotten into a fight, but he had won that. He wasn’t able to stop his bike from being trashed while he was fighting, though. It still angers him. It’s why his next mission is all about vengeance. No one messes with him and gets away with it. Not if he can help it.

“Let’s cut this meeting short, then. I’ll meet you all at Elizaveta’s by seven. We’ll be back in business. They won’t see us coming.”

_I’ll make sure of it._

\--

8:17AM. Berwald has been anticipating Timo’s arrival since he opened shop at six. He doesn’t know when to expect him, but he’s been waiting. And waiting. He’s drunk more coffee than usual, though it hasn’t helped his nerves. All he wants is another chance to see that face, to hear him talk. He wouldn’t mind if he talked his ear off, even. He’d like to hear anything.

He almost jumps out of his own skin when the bell chimes. He clambers up to the front and almost smiles when he sees Timo. He waves sheepishly, embarrassed. Timo only smiles more and waves back.

“Hey there. It doesn’t look like you’re busy! What a relief. I really need this fixed up pretty quick… oh, but you can take your time. Don’t worry. I’ve got all day.”

“Right. Bring her in,” Berwald states, his voice cracking. It catches Timo off-guard, but he doesn’t laugh at it, trying to respect the man who would be repairing his bike. He bites on his lip to hide the amusement, which only draws Berwald’s attention to his lips.

_Damn._ Swallowing hard, he presses the button so Timo could bring in the bike. His eyes widen when he finally sees it. It’s _nice_ , but it’s trashed. Almost completely ruin. He would have to be Dr. Frankenstein to get it running…

He couldn’t disappoint Timo, though. He’d go and buy him a new bike if he has to. He wants to see him smile and hear his thanks.

“I know it’s a wreck. It’d be a miracle if you could fix it, but… that’s why I came here. I heard you work miracles. You’re good, you know. So… think you can do it?” he asks, brushing his hand over one of the handles. Berwald watches, glancing to see how much closer Timo had gotten.

“Yeah. I can do it.” He’d die trying.

“Great! Um, I don’t really have anywhere to go, so… mind if I stayed here? I’d like to see you work. I might learn a thing or two – to prevent this from happening again.”

“Sure. Have a seat,” Berwald says, nodding his head. He cracks his neck as he inspects the bike, testing bits and pieces of it. It looked like it had been forcefully beaten up. Had he gotten into a fight? That isn’t any of his business, but he can’t help but be curious. The more he looks at it, the more it becomes obvious that the damage was deliberate. He lets out a sigh, moving to get his tools. He gets a few towels as well, setting aside some water. It’d be a long process, but if Timo wants it done by today, he’d have to be very laborious about it all. No breaks. He has a tight schedule.

He takes off his shirt, much to Timo’s surprise. He remembered that Berwald had worn a tank the other day, though it was all muddied up. But… half-naked? That’d be dangerous, wouldn’t it?

“Uh… isn’t that dangerous?” he asks, not aware he really voiced his concerns. Berwald just gives him a curious glance. The look in his eyes actually makes him flinch this time, surprising him yet again. _Get it together. He isn’t an animal. He won’t hurt you. Don’t flinch._ “Never mind! Just ignore me.”

Berwald grunts, his focus shifting back to the motorcycle. He needs to be attentive, even if he wants to listen to Timo. Work is his field. He loses himself in his work. Hours go by. It helps when he has a difficult task and needs to get it done. Unlike most people, that thing doesn’t stress him out. He welcomes deadlines. It comforts him. Timo watches as Berwald concentrates and takes apart his motorcycle. He wants to intervene, to tell him he better not touch his bike in that way, but he realizes this must be his process. Deconstruct, then reconstruct. It’s nothing new. It shouldn’t be, anyway.

He’s captivated by Berwald’s hands. They’re rough and large, but they handle the motorcycle with care. He can see that. He doesn’t want to damage it. Not like it could be anymore damaged than it already is, but it was still something he could see. Berwald is tactical; he knows what he’s doing. He knows what steps he has to take. He knows he has to check for interior damage. He knows what parts he might need.

Timo isn’t disgusted by the smell, the stains that come with working with vehicles, or the way Berwald starts to sweat. It’s the middle of August, so it will start cooling down further, but he knows that the heat must get to him. He watches, looks at the definition of the muscles. He looks at the few scars Berwald has, most likely from the work he does. He’s amused when the thought of Berwald being better suited to being in a biker gang crosses his mind. It’s true. He fits the bill. He fits the look of a dangerous murderer.

It’s when Timo sits back and eyes him more that he realizes he _really_ likes that idea.

Danger has always been something he’s been inherently attracted to, after all.

\--

“Finished,” Berwald rasps, wiping sweat from his brow. He had to order a few parts, waiting with Timo and sharing a few drinks with him, listening to him chat here and there. The whole experience was so nice. It wasn’t even five, yet he was done. He had made the impossible possible. And, when glancing over, he realizes he’s made Timo smile.

“It’s _perfect._ Thank you _so, so_ much. Even better than when I first bought her! You really _are_ a miracle-worker, Ber,” Timo gushes, thrilled beyond belief. Berwald feels his face heat up when he picks up the nickname. Ber. It’s the best thing he’s been called. He hums, wringing his hands through the towel. He heads over to the front desk, writing down all that he had to do for the bike. He adds things up and freezes. It’s a huge bill. The parts were expensive, naturally because the bike itself was a pretty expensive piece of work. It’s a nice bike. It needs nice parts. Add in the labor, the amount of time…

Maybe he should give him a discount. Timo’s already looking over, swiftly moving to the front of the desk.

“Look, Ber… I don’t have that kind of money right now.”  
  
“S’fine, I’ll-“

“No, no, I’m going to pay you in full. Just not right now. I have a little under half, but… I promise, in a couple of days I’ll have the rest. How about you come meet me at Elizaveta’s on Thursday? I work there. I could give you the rest once I’m off my shift. Oh, and I’ll give you my number. I’ll text you when I’m off. If I can’t do it, we could work something else out…” he offers, leaning on the counter. _Something else? Elizaveta’s? His_ number _?_ Berwald’s mind is a blur. Timo’s number, where he works, he’s getting those things. He’s getting outside contact from him. He tries not to breathe too hard. He nods.

“Sounds good. I trust ya. Thursday works,” Berwald says brokenly, his thoughts everywhere but there. Timo grins again, getting out his wallet. Along with the first half of his payment, reaches for a pen and writes his number down. When Berwald takes both the money and the number, Timo brushes his fingers over his hand.

“Thanks. You’re really something. I owe you one.”

Taking his hand back, he turns, grinning to himself as he gets back on his bike and riding out of the shop.

Berwald stands there, money and number in his hand, numb.


	2. prospect

The ride to Elizaveta’s is smooth. Timo breathes in, parking the motorcycle and taking his helmet off once he’s reached his destination. Just before seven. It feels good to have his bike in once piece. It’s almost brand-new, thanks to Berwald’s expertise.

_What a man_ , he thinks to himself. He really owed him one, and Timo wasn’t the person to owe anyone anything. He could make an exception. Such fine craftwork, and such a sweet gentleman. Even if he scared him. That’s what made things so exciting.

He takes his keys with him and heads into the diner, heading toward the back, where his friends would be. He sits down, tucking his blond hair behind an ear.

“I’m back. It’s good to go. Now, we need to finalize the plans. Those brothers will pay, whether in cash, drugs, or blood. Tell me where they hang out. We’ll set out in an hour.”

There are still streaks of black on his fingers. He plans on keeping it that way for a while longer.

The night is now his again.

\--

_Two thousand dollars is all I get from them? Lame._ Timo sighs, having counted and recounted the cash he stole. He repaid the favor by beating up the guy who trashed his bike. It was satisfying, but at the same time, he felt disgusted with himself. He was told not to lose his temper, to handle things with a tactical angle. He just couldn’t do it. That bike is precious to him. He got the money, though, and that’s all that mattered. Some of it would be going to Berwald. The rest was his for whatever he wanted. Alcohol, cigarettes, maybe something new for his apartment. It feels good to have that money.

He stuffs his wallet back into his leather jacket, taking out the package of cigarettes in the other pocket. He lights up, inhaling slowly and then exhaling. Timo leans over the balcony, listening to the rumble of the city night. As he unwinds, he thinks about Berwald. He thinks about what he offered him. The man seems clueless, so he doubts he even knows the weight of Timo’s words. It’s fun to toy with the idea. Maybe he’d use it to his advantage, but not in a bad way. Well, maybe it’d be bad. But it’d be good, too.

Taking his cellphone out, he looks to the recent text message. It’s a confirmation of Berwald’s phone number. It’s a simple, _It’s Berwald._ Short and to the point, even in text. It’s endearing. Playing with the screen, he eventually texts him in return.

_Hey there, stranger. Hope this doesn’t wake you. I just wanted to say hi and to thank you again._

He adds him to his contacts, finally. He forgot to in the midst of things. He makes his name _Ber_ , simply because he likes the nickname he gave him.

Berwald’s phone buzzes next to him. It never does that. Matthias and Lukas leave near him, and they’d usually just come by if they need him. Maybe it’s spam, or a reminder he needs to pay his bill soon. _Might as well check it._

Half-awake, he sits up and slips his glasses on, unfocused as he fumbles to open his phone. He freezes when he gets to reading, soon sitting up further.

It’s Timo.

Another glance at the time on the phone and he sighs. It’s almost four in the morning. What a way to wake up. But, this could be his chance to talk to him. He ought to say something. Anything. He replies blindly, caught up in the moment.

_Hey. I’m awake. It’s not a problem, really._

Thinking some more, he remembers the offer he was given, if Timo couldn’t pay up. He felt guilty for wanting to take him up on it. He should lay things out, just so it doesn’t come to that.

_And about your offer, forget about it. You don’t have to pay the rest._

_Lukas Is going to kill me,_ he thinks, knowing he’ll regret his decision later. That’ll be cut out of his next paycheck. He sends the message, laying back down and throwing his arm over his forehead. He can’t believe himself.

_You don’t have to pay the rest._

The message echoes in Timo’s mind as he reads it. This man is seriously insane. That bike was an outrageous amount of money, but there was so much work and care put into it. Now he doesn’t need to pay him? Maybe the offer scared him. Maybe he isn’t into guys. And he swore he saw Berwald staring at him…

_You are TOO kind. Now I owe you even more! I don’t care; I have_ _to pay you back. At least come to the diner tomorrow. I’ll make you something. We can talk, too._

“And maybe you’ll change your mind,” he says aloud.

\--

This could technically be a date. He’s trying not to get too excited. Meeting Timo where he works doesn’t really constitute as a date, but it’s dinner. Dinner made by Timo’s angelic hands. Dinner _with_ Timo. It’s crazy. He hasn’t been so excited since he got ABBA’s Greatest Hits one Christmas.

Matthias and Lukas notice the glee in his eyes, but Lukas forces Matthias not to rag on him about it. They’re left with a note on his door when they go to call him for dinner: _Out for dinner. Don’t leave leftovers._

Lukas takes the note down, refusing to listen to Matthias’ excited preaching. _Good for him, bad for me ‘cause I gotta listen to this prick. Thanks, Berwald._

Of course, Berwald leaves early. He’s dressed up, very much over-dressed for a place like Elizaveta’s. It’s a family diner akin to Denny’s or Ihop, not extravagant. He can’t help it. A large part of him wants to impress Timo. Maybe he’ll like him, by some strange miracle.

Hey, he _did_ call him a miracle-worker, after all.

“Oh, Ber! You’re early! I’m still working, but I’ll get you some coffee or something. And— _Eli_ don’t you dare come out here! You’re not allowed to ogle him! I told you we’re just—“

“So _you’re_ the Berwald I’ve heard so much about! Welcome! I’m the owner. Oh, you should know that, though! I think I’ve seen you here with your friends before,” Elizaveta beams, shoving past Timo, who seems to be in the middle of waiting tables. He grumbles and covers his face in embarrassment, going back to the person who’s ordering their food. They seem like a regular, with how the two start talking. Berwald is too distracted by the woman coming up to him to listen in on the conversation, however.

This is rather frightening. He feels like a helpless mouse, cornered by a cat who is surveying him. _What shall you be? Lunch? Dinner? **Dessert?**_

“I can see what’s so great about you. You’re kind. I can tell these things, you know. I know liars, snitches, and thieves when I see them. Luckily you’re not any of these! A good man. A very well-dressed man, might I add…”

“Eli! Don’t make me tell Roderich you’re hitting on my friend!” Timo yells from across the room, pointing his pen accusingly to her. Friend? _Better than just ‘the mechanic.’_

“Right, right. He threatens me with that all the time, you know. Roddy knows I only have eyes for him. But, whatever! Have a seat; I’m sure Timo will be coming to you as quick as he can!” She smiles mischievously as she sings that last part, a bit louder just so Timo hears.

“ _Eli…!!_ ”

“She’s… nice,” Berwald finally says, relaxing when Timo sits across from him. He had to wait another half hour before Timo was able to be free from Elizaveta’s clutches. At least he got a few cups of coffee out of it, no added charge.

“She’s _insane._ At least she let me off early. Now! I’m going to cook for you in just a second, but first… I have to say. You look way different in a suit,” Timo compliments, laughing a little. Berwald is taken aback by it, though Timo shakes his head quickly. “I mean that in a good way! You don’t seem nearly as intimidating. –I mean, not that you intimidate me! Just… wow, I’m not good at this. How about I fix you something now? Pancakes? Bacon?”

“Y-yeah. Sounds good.”

“Sorry it’s not much. I wait tables for a reason. I can’t cook much. I’ll make it extra good for you, though! No poison!”

Something tells Berwald that he’s rather lucky he’s not making something other than pancakes.

\--

“You know, usually when I tell people I can’t cook, they refuse it and say they’re not hungry. But you ate it all! Wow. Don’t sue me if you get food poisoning.” Berwald smirks when Timo makes light of his poor culinary skills. It’s adorable. Everything about him is adorable. Why is he so cute? It should be a crime. In some places, it probably is. He’s totally okay with that.

“It’s not bad. It was good. Thanks,” he says. It wasn’t the best, but it had been edible. That’s all he cares about. He doesn’t fear for his life, or his stomach. It’s all good. Much better than Arthur’s, at least.

“And no one’s complimented it before. Wow. Are you sure you’re not an alien or something? Well, anyway. Enough of that. You ate, I’m happy you ate, we’re good. Though… I don’t feel like I’ve made it up to you yet. I want to pay you the money. I have it. I can give it to you.”

“I already said ya don’t have ta.”

“But I _want_ to, Ber. It wouldn’t be right if I didn’t. I gave you an alternate offer, but you won’t accept that either. That… offer still stands, you know,” Timo says, his voice quieter. God knows if Eli overheard, he’d never hear the end of it. He would give him the money and still press the offer. Simply because he wants to. It’s not even about the bike. He knows it’s just his curious and thrill-seeking side.

“S’fine. Really. It’s… a gift. Fer our friendship.” _Way to pull that one out of your ass. He probably sees right through me. Keep calm. Poker face. You’re good at that._

“Our friendship, huh.”

Uh-oh.

He sounds disappointed. Berwald’s surprised. Why would he be disappointed? What is this offer even _about?_ It couldn’t be what he’s thinking. There’s no way.

“How about we go talk out back? I smoke, so… I hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all.”

Nodding, Timo leads him out. Elizaveta looks at Timo curiously and he simply shakes his head with a look on his face that could only be read as, _not now._ No, he has business to take care of and he wants no interruptions. Elizaveta keeps quiet, much to Berwald’s surprise.

Timo sighs once he breathes in the cool night air. He instantly lights up his cigarette, leaning against a wall and away from Berwald just to be safe. Even if he breathes in gas and cars, he might not like the smell of smoke. Berwald doesn’t cough or flinch, so he takes it as an okay sign.

“I think we’re not on the same page about this offer. I don’t do this for _anyone_ , and I mean that. I like you. You’re sweet. You’re tall and quiet and… you’re good at what you do,” Timo starts. There isn’t the sweet sound of his cheerful voice in there. He’s serious. It worries Berwald, but he listens. He wants to see where this is going. It’s hopefully going in a good direction. He can feel himself start to get hot, hoping he wouldn’t sweat. The nervousness wracks his body as he watches Timo breathe the cigarette’s toxins in and out. He could use one, even though he quit a long time ago. Anything to get the edge off.

Their eyes meet. Timo feels cornered again, but this time he isn’t the shaking sort of mouse. He’s paralyzed. He couldn’t budge even if it were to keel over. No, he was frozen. Completely. Timo stares at him, without a trace of fear or nervousness in his eyes. He’s in control of the situation. He steps closer, flicking his cigarette as he voice lowers even more.

“I want you to sleep with me.”


	3. maybe not

Of all things, the offer had to be that. Berwald pulls away from Timo, his eyes wide. Timo watches him, not moving forward. He seems afraid, which isn’t what he expected from the clarification. Maybe he really _isn’t_ attracted to him. _Shit._

“I… can’t. I can’t do that. Not right,” Berwald finally stammers, shaking his head. He couldn’t possibly sleep with Timo without being with him. He couldn’t do that to himself. He doesn’t know the first thing when it comes to kissing or having sex. He’s seen plenty of porn thanks to Matthias, but it still doesn’t help him in this situation. He’d forget it all from the anxiety that’s already building up.

“It’s not right?” Timo echoes, honestly surprised by what comes out of Berwald’s mouth. He didn’t take him for someone so traditional. He takes another drag, stepping back. He thinks more on it, not pressing the issue any further. Berwald said no, and he’s going to respect that. He isn’t a monster. He breathes out, glancing back over. “Okay. I’m not going to bite you, so don’t worry! I get it.”

Berwald breathes out, his hands shaking. Why does it scare him so badly? He feels like he should be apologizing for how worked up it got him. He nods, thanking him quietly. Timo almost doesn’t catch it, but when he realizes what Berwald has said, he smiles a bit.

“You don’t have to thank me. I wanted to thank you, though that was probably just an excuse. Anyway, we don’t have to do that, not if you don’t want to. I’d like to hang out with you more, though. I meant it, before, when I said I liked you. I really, really do,” Timo murmurs, feigning embarrassment. It’s mostly true; he does like Berwald, but perhaps for all the wrong reasons. He isn’t shy about it. If he wants Berwald to like him, he has to pretend to be. The man wouldn’t go near him if he knew the truth.

Berwald looks at him, his eyes wide again. The way he looks, he’d make a perfect Halloween decoration, but Timo resists teasing him. He just smiles, putting out his cigarette in the designated place. Berwald is stunned. Timo likes him. He wants to “hang out.”

“Do ya want to date?” Berwald asks, blurting it out. He instantly regrets it, opening his mouth again to say that they don’t have to, they could remain friends—

“I’d love to. How about tomorrow? Whenever you’re not busy. Just text me.”

He nods slowly, Timo finally laughing softly. “Look, you don’t have to be so _scared._ Have some confidence, Ber. I promise you, no funny business. I won’t do anything you don’t want to do.”

The reassurance makes Berwald feel guilty. He shouldn’t second-guess Timo, he really shouldn’t. He’s been nothing but sweet and perfect. He nods, his shoulders relaxing. Timo watches him like a hawk, though Berwald isn’t looking at him. He’s satisfied that he seems to accept it, though.

“You’re really adorable, Ber. Can… I at least kiss you? I have to start closing up shop, but that’s been on my mind all night.”

That gets Berwald’s attention again. He looks at him. Timo doesn’t move forward like last time. His tactic has shifted to wait for Berwald. He sees him nod and he finally makes his move, careful about each thing he does. He’s still smiling when he gives Berwald his kiss, having to lean up to do so.

\--

“So, how’d it go?” Elizaveta asks. The shop is closed up, except for the back. There’s another meeting tonight. Timo’s busy getting out of his uniform and into his second ‘uniform,’ glancing over when Elizaveta questions him. He smirks, shrugging his shoulders.

“He’s definitely interested. He wants to date me.”

“ _Date_ you!? Has Hell frozen over?”

“I don’t need any of your sass, Eli. I’m going to give him a chance. Everyone else gets to fuck around, why can’t I? Well, we’re not going to be fucking _yet…_ ” Timo trails off, mildly disappointed. He could still want it, even if Berwald didn’t. No crime in wanting it – at least he’ll have something to think about when he’s alone.

“He turned your offer down? He’s more of a hopeless romantic than Ludwig. Must be quite the catch,” Elizaveta muses, surprised. Timo doesn’t offer things to _anyone_ , unless for a good reason. She knows Timo, and she knows what he’d offer to Berwald. But she also knows Timo isn’t one for commitment.

The back door opens up and Timo sighs, heading out to the booth as the members pile in. It’s a tightknit gang, with people he trusts from different parts of the city. They’re random people, random faces. They know each other and they respect each other. It’s like his family he never really had.

“So, change of plans, obviously. I’m going to need more room during the day. Some of you get to have your lovely sexcapades, and I want mine. I’ll make sure it doesn’t interfere with work. This guy won’t talk. He doesn’t even know about this. He thinks I’m a saint,” Timo says, getting a laugh out of the last bit. He doesn’t tell them that he’s actually dating the man. No, that would seem really different from who he claims to be. They’re just hooking up. No more, no less, so far as they know.

“Now, there’s someone tied to Natalya that we need to move in on. He’d probably have information on where Ivan is. I want him _alive_. I’ll take care of him, just like I took care of Lovino.”

Lovino Vargas, traitor to Timo’s gang. Along with Gilbert Beillschmidt, who he had fought prior to the incident, they decided to take out what was most precious to him. His bike.

“I don’t want to be the bad guy, _Lovino._ This is a warning. You don’t mess with me. I won’t kill you, so long as you go with your tails between your legs,” Timo said coldly. Feliciano had been crying in the background, pleading with his brother to split like Timo wanted. Lovino spat on the ground, pushing away from Timo. The gun he had been holding was put away. “Oh, and make sure to relay that message to Gilbert. I’m sure he misses me already.”

_That fucker._

The thought of Gilbert still makes Timo’s blood boil. He betrayed him in the worst way. He left to go to Ivan’s gang. They’re “better,” they provided more deals and money. It sickens him. Gilbert and he had been in good company for a long time. And then he dared to fight him. _Him_ of all people.  And he had helped Gilbert try and get in Elizaveta’s good graces. Though, Elizaveta always had her sights for Roderich, their loyal member of the police force who keeps them safe. It’s all illegal, but such is how things go for their gang. Their records stay clean thanks to him. It isn’t _his_ fault that Elizaveta denied Gilbert. He sure as hell didn’t need to take it out on him.

Timo breathes out, forcing himself not to get worked up over the entire thing. His bike was fixed and he made sure Lovino got the message. Now he has to work on getting the guy connected to Natalya and Ivan to talk.

“We’ll set out tomorrow.”

\--

Timo runs his hand through his hair as he sits down. He throws his head back on the seat, the dim light of his apartment not bothering his tired eyes. The day was long and he isn’t looking forward to the next. He has to face someone that Natalya is close with. Natalya could come after him; she’s skilled with knives and taking out people in secret. No one has caught her yet, as her methods are usually different and too inconsistent to trace back to one person.

He wants to make a deal, though. If Ivan wants to see him, Natalya can’t kill him. It might save his life, but he might be in deeper trouble with what he wants from Ivan. The man is ruthless. He holds a monopoly on the drug market, and if he goes down, everyone will want to find out and lynch who did it. This would all happen under the assumption he wouldn’t lose to him. Ivan Braginsky, the man he fears more than death, is nigh untouchable. Like his sister, Ivan has killed many in the past.  Timo has witnessed it.

Swallowing, he goes for his package of cigarettes, only to be touching his phone instead. _Wrong pocket, every time…_ He lingers there, though. He could message Berwald. He had been there at this time before. He needs to take his mind off things and to not be so stressed out. If only his offer had been accepted, he’d be working it out by then.

_Hiya, Ber. I was thinking about a place for our date. How about Saturday at that auto museum? I’m going to be busy tomorrow night, but I think I could manage for then._

Sure, the place he picked would be boring as shit, but it’d have something they’d both like. He likes looking at motorcycles, and Berwald works with cars. Maybe he’d get him to talk about it. He toys with his jacket, taking it off without getting his lighter and cigarettes out.

_Sure. I was thinking the same place. I’ll buy us tickets tomorrow._

Berwald feels his heart pound in his chest. He suspected that Timo might text him late. It seems like he’s busy even when he’s out of work. Maybe he has two jobs, or he just does a lot of work beforehand. Maybe he goes on long rides. It wasn’t really his business, but he’s wondered about it.

He relaxes in bed with the thought of seeing Timo, wishing him a good night’s sleep and getting the same in return.

\--

“So, the dates with this Timo have been goin’ good, huh? I’m proud of ya, lil’ bro! He’s finally gonna be a man, Luke…. Lukas. Heh.”

“Nice save, shitlord.”

“Hey! I’m tryin’, okay!?”

Berwald shakes his head. It isn’t Saturday yet, so no real date so far. Matthias wants as much information as possible, since it’s perfect blackmail material. Refusing to speak, Berwald just excuses himself from dinner. Lukas restrains Matthias as always, looking at the unfinished plate of food.

Shutting the door to Matthias and Lukas’ apartment, he heads to his own, trying to push out all of the thoughts about Timo he has been having. Ever since he made that offer for sex, it’s all he’s been able to think about. It makes him anxious, but at the same time, when he thinks about what could have happened if he had said no, it excites him. He’s jerked off to the thought more than once already. He thinks about taking Timo, making him moan and cry out. He imagines hearing him say his name and kissing him again. He worries, at the same time. He worries about hurting Timo, he worries about not being good enough because he’s a virgin. He worries he won’t know what to do, that he won’t satisfy him. Endlessly, he worries. He wants to avoid touch him completely in case he does something wrong.

But Timo encourages him. He wants him to “have confidence.” If only it were so easy.

Dating Timo, though, surely it would eventually lead to having sex. He shouldn’t think about it. _He_ was the one who said no, after all, but he almost regrets it. If he knew what to do, maybe now he would go ahead. He’s dating him. Timo likes him. He likes Timo.

The fantasies come and go and he has to lock his door, needing to take the edge off. He thinks about Timo, from his voice to his body, spread out and naked for him. He’s soft and sweet and he begs Berwald, to which he complies. He’s breathless and cursing to himself as he imagines fucking him, merciless and confident. When he comes, he can hear his heartbeat in his ears.

Elsewhere, a gunshot goes off.


	4. explosive

_Bang!_

“I told you. I won’t kill you, so long as you _start talking_ ,” Timo states, his voice not as calm as it had been before. He’s getting anxious. The hand on his gun grips tighter. He hates wasting bullets, but he needs to scare the guy into talking. He’s small, a pipsqueak, but he has information that Timo needs.

“O-Okay, okay! Please don’t kill me! H-He’s up north. They’re m-manufacturing up there. That’s all I know! Natalya didn’t tell me anything else!” he shrieks. Timo grits his teeth. What a waste of his time. He doesn’t lower his gun.

“You swear that’s all you know?”

“That’s all I know! I swear! Natalya doesn’t like me that much, so—“

“Then we’re done here.”

He watches the man shake as he pulls the trigger, turning his back as he slumps to the floor. Timo starts walking to his bike, the other men following him. It wasn’t much, but he has a lead. That’s all he cares about. Ivan has moved on from this city. They could relocate, but he decides they’re safer where they are.

Just as he gets on his bike, his phone buzzes in his pocket. _This better not be Eli._

_We need to talk._

It’s from Berwald. Timo grips the handle of his motorcycle as he reads the four-letter message over and over. Timo can’t help but feel dread. He hadn’t done anything to mess up. They have their cute little date planned. That’s okay. They should be okay.

_Let’s talk. I’m done with what I had to do for the night. How about my place?_

_Sounds good._

Timo gives him the directions, his heart racing. The adrenaline from having killed the man hadn’t left him, though it’s only heightened by the anxiety he feels. He puts his helmet on and tucks his phone and gun away.

When he arrives at his apartment, Berwald is already there. Timo hides his gun inside the trunk of his bike for the time being, locking it and taking his helmet off. He walks up the steps, clutching onto the helmet to avoid showing any signs of guilt.

“Hey. Hope I didn’t keep you waiting long.” Berwald shakes his head, Timo smiling a little as he unlocks the door. He flicks on the lights, hanging his helmet up as he lets Berwald inside. “Sorry for the mess and tight space. Do you want anything to drink?”

“Beer?” Berwald asks. Timo laughs a little when he hears the request. _Nice one._ He’s thankful for it. He could use the beer. He goes to his fridge and takes two cans out, handing one to Berwald as he moves to sit on his sofa.

“So, you wanted to talk? I hope it’s not about tonight. My friends and I had plans…”

“No, it’s not that. S’fine,” Berwald says, not wanting Timo to think it was that. He knows Timo has a busy life, from what he’s gathered at least. He just doesn’t know how to start. How do you admit you’ve been masturbating to someone you’ve only known over a week? The time doesn’t seem long at all. Sure, Timo was the one to offer sex, but he doesn’t feel comfortable with jerking off to the guy. Without his knowledge, anyway.

“Well?”

“’m sorry. I shouldn’t…” he trails off, rubbing his forehead. He cracks open the beer and starts gulping. Timo watches in amazement, the can practically emptied by Berwald in one go. He must be nervous. His anxiety still remains. He wants to know. He _needs_ to know. In order to coax him along, he reaches out to touch his hand.

“Relax. I’m not going to get mad over whatever it is. Just tell me. We can talk about it,” Timo says, trying to help him out. Berwald isn’t much of a talker, but he could at least get him to admit what it is. Hopefully. He waits patiently, watching Berwald tap his foot nervously. He massages his hand a little, only to see him freeze. Timo stops. It finally gets Berwald to look over at him, guilty and ashamed.

“I’ve been fantasizing about you.”

_Oh._

Well, that wasn’t what he expected it to be. Timo relaxes, letting out a sigh of relief.

“So that’s it?” Timo asks, cracking an amused smile. He doesn’t laugh, but he does think it’s a little silly that Berwald is worked up over just thinking about him. Berwald shakes his head. Timo raises his eyebrows. “There’s more?”

“Haven’t… _jus’_ fantasized…” He hopes he doesn’t have to say it. God, please, he doesn’t want to actually _say_ that he’s been masturbating to Timo. It would make him want to shrivel up from the embarrassment. Timo seems to take the hint, as he mouths “oh” and looks away.

Timo wants nothing more than to grin wildly. He doesn’t have to make Berwald want him, he already does. He could get rid of all that stress if he plays his cards right. He could work something out.

“I see. Well… that’s not a _bad_ thing, you know. It’s actually pretty normal! I mean, I’ve done it, too,” Timo admits. It’s true. He’s jerked off to Berwald, probably more than Berwald would have thought. He doesn’t have as much shame when he admits it. He hopes Berwald thinks about it. He looks at him, only to see his face is red. That couldn’t be from the alcohol. The man is frozen stiff. He can’t even talk. Surely he’s thinking about it and what the implications of Timo’s words are. “It’s perfectly fine. Don’t be worried. I’m flattered.”

“’kay,” Berwald murmurs, feeling himself shake. Now is not the time to get _really_ aroused. Timo is getting closer and he wants another beer. Timo hasn’t touched his.

“Do… you want it? I’m just asking. You’ve been thinking about it, after all. I won’t do anything you don’t want. I promise.”

His words are intoxicating. If he wanted, Berwald could have sex with him right there. He feels his throat tighten further and he straightens up. It’s more arousing than any fantasy of his. The way Timo makes eye contact with him gets right to his core. He doesn’t have the cute angelic look to his eyes. He looks seductive. It works on Berwald and he leans in a bit. Timo leans up, his hand moving to one of Berwald’s arms.

“Can we kiss?” Berwald asks. Timo hums happily, nodding. He doesn’t say anything, simply closing the gap and pressing his lips to Berwald’s. He leads carefully, caressing his arm as he deepens the kiss slowly. The slow lull makes Berwald’s mind feel fuzzy and he sinks into it, brushing his tongue over Timo’s once he figures out what is expected of him. Timo hums, rubbing the man’s arm as he focuses on the kiss. He hopes it convinces Berwald. He hopes he changes his mind and he can finally forget. He could relax and unwind and yell to get the pent up feelings out.

Thinking about it makes him act a little quicker. He presses against Berwald a bit, hands shaking as he wants to keep going. He makes another small noise when Berwald puts his hands on his waist, getting hard from the thought of possibly being touched. He’s a fast learner, too, which makes the kiss even better. When they break, he’s breathing in and out, using the excuse to look down and see just how hard Berwald is. It fills him up with a strong sense of satisfaction, and Timo decides to use his charm. He touches Berwald’s chest through his shirt, keeping his gaze on him.

“Can we continue?” Timo asks, caressing to both calm and entice Berwald, “we can just touch. Just a little bit…”

It works wonders on Berwald. He breathes in sharply, the scent of smoke and something else making him relax more. He nods, holding onto Timo’s waist a bit more. Timo wastes no more time, reaching down to unzip Berwald’s pants, reaching underneath his underwear to touch his cock. He breathes out shakily, satisfied and anticipating even more. Berwald groans quietly, Timo soaking up the sound. He kisses his jaw and his neck as he slowly gets his fingers wrapped around Berwald’s cock, stroking slowly. It feels so good. It’s thick and a bit long, but he could take it. He would make sure he could, when the time came.

Berwald stares down, watching Timo pump him slowly. His hands are so soft and wonderful, everything he could have hoped for. He can hear Timo breathing hard, almost blocking out his own heavy breathing. He groans again, lifting up a bit with his hips.

“Can you touch me, too?” Timo asks, retracting his hands to undo his own pants. He slips them and his boxers off completely, having to get off Berwald’s lap to do so. He sits back down, thighs spread. Berwald can’t help but stare. His thighs are thick, he knew that, and he’s soft and chubby. He doesn’t shave, which he finds to be cute. His light blond hair is soft and curls up a bit. His cock isn’t thick and long like his, but it isn’t incredibly small. Everything about him really is cute. He only wishes he got a good view of his ass, though he would never be able to say that aloud.

Without answering, Berwald takes Timo’s cock in his hand, keeping his grip light. It isn’t like jerking himself off and he’s unsteady as he first starts moving up and down. He wants to memorize Timo’s body and he wants to make it good for him. While nervous, he tries not to let it show too much. By the way Timo’s lips part and he groans, Berwald takes it as a good sign. Timo rocks his hips a bit, caressing the hand that touches him before he goes back to touching Berwald. He gets them in a better position so it isn’t so awkward. The tantalizing, slow pace makes Timo rock his hips to the motions, keeping it slow for Berwald, too. He had thought he wanted it to be quick, hard, rough, but the way Berwald treats him makes him even more aroused. It’s so gentle and kind, as if it all means so much to Berwald, which is something Timo didn’t think he’d like as much as he does. He rocks his hips, speeding up the way he jerks Berwald off. It gets Berwald to do the same, making Timo whine and tighten his grip.

He mumbles something to Berwald, who is too lost in the pleasure he feels. Timo presses closer and groans hard, his body shaking and his hand moves swiftly. Berwald feels him come in his hand and he bucks his hips in return, aching to reach the same release. When he does, he hears Timo gasp, mostly because Berwald holds him close to his body. The cum gets on his skin, but he doesn’t say anything yet.

Berwald’s body gives way, slumping against Timo’s sofa. He holds him close to him, sweaty and panting. A tingle goes through his body as his mind clears. It’s like everything he worried about was gone. He had forgotten about his nervousness once he got into touching Timo. It hadn’t lasted as long as he would have thought, but it felt great. He caresses Timo’s back, liking the weight of him against his chest. Berwald kisses the top of his head, Timo humming.

“Let’s go to bed.”

Berwald nods, sluggishly getting them off the sofa. It’s dirty, but Timo tells him not to worry about it. He’s tired. He gets them a wet facecloth to wipe up, throwing it in the hamper without too much care. He’s messy at times, but whatever. He just wants to sleep it off. He feels good and refreshed. It’s what he needed. He wants to sleep with Berwald, coaxing him to give him his shirt to sleep in, their boxers from the living room in hand. He hands Berwald his and gets into his own, smelling the shirt relinquished to him. Timo pulls Berwald into bed, languidly kissing him until he can’t anymore. He gives up, staying close as he falls asleep.

He sleeps peacefully.

\--

In the morning, Timo wakes to the smell of something cooking. He lunges upright, having to remember what happened. He killed someone, Berwald texted him, he came over…

Relieved, he flops back in bed, stretching a bit. He’s still wearing Berwald’s shirt. He breathes it in again, humming to himself. Not bad at all. He likes Berwald’s scent. He lies there a bit longer, looking around the room. It’s cleaner. Berwald must have decided he couldn’t stay in such a messy room. He laughs quietly to himself, getting out of bed and heading to the bathroom. He washes his hands after, noticing his laundry cleaned out of the hamper. The shower looks used, too.

What a hard worker. It’s truly remarkable. He feels sheepish as he goes out to the main area, peeking at Berwald in the kitchen. He decides to be coy about it, once Berwald hasn’t noticed him for a bit.

“So, we play around and I get free maid service? Not bad,” he teases, leaning his elbows on the bar counter. Berwald jumps a little, looking over. He shrugs, looking away in embarrassment. He looks _nice_ , cooking half-naked. Those pants look good on him. Timo would tease him more, but he decides against it. “Thanks for cleaning up, by the way. I’d never have done it. Oh, and I’m gonna shower, since you beat me to it! I _was_ going to offer to go together…”

A shrug and he smirks as Berwald looks back at him. He shakes his finger and tsks, heading back to the bathroom. He really would have suggested they go in together. He’d like to fool around in the morning. Berwald might not, though. He starts the shower up, making it quick. Once finished, he decides to wash Berwald’s shirt and his boxers, figuring he owes it back to him. He gets dressed, coming back out to the breakfast made for him. He hums, surprised by how well it all looks. Berwald and cooking never struck him as things that went perfect together.

“It looks _amazing._ Don’t make me beg you to live with me this soon! You can cook, you clean… what can’t you do?” Timo asks, laughing a little. Berwald, bashful as always, shrugs quietly, very humbled by the compliments. He digs in, Timo following suit. Berwald stares at him and he tilts his head, wondering what he could be looking at. He makes a noise of it being delicious, wondering if he had been waiting for that.

“Can I feed ya?” Berwald suddenly asks, looking intent and very serious. Timo stops, swallowing his bit of pancake and grinning. _He’s too sweet. Much, much too sweet. Doesn’t he know he doesn’t have to be this kind? God, he’s going to make me feel guilty at this rate._

“Go ahead,” he answers, opening his mouth. Berwald looks pleased as he feeds him, Timo deciding he deserves the same treatment. It’s grossly affectionate, but a nice change of pace. If he forgets about his secret life, he could pretend they’re a cute couple experiencing puppy love. He could forget about everything and live the fantasy during the day.

No, that’s stupid. Why would he do that? It makes no sense. It isn’t like him to just abandon his life he had been living until he needed his bike fixed. His expression turns somber as Berwald takes another bite. _You should have never been so sweet to me. You should have accepted my offer. It could have been a one-time thing. You shouldn’t have cleaned my place and made me breakfast. You really…_

“Y’okay?” Berwald asks, cutting Timo’s train of thought. The expression worries him. He looks somber and as if he’s about to cry. Berwald catches his hand, leaning close. “Do ya regret it?”

“What? Wha—no, no, I don’t regret it. Not at all. No… I just… I was thinking, that’s all. You’re just so nice and wonderful,” Timo answers, voice hushed, “I was hoping _you_ didn’t regret it.”

“Ah… ‘course not. ‘m sorry. I get embarrassed eas’ly. Wasn’t avoidin’ ya,” Berwald clarifies. Timo feigns relief and he smiles, leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek. He thanks him, beaming as he tells him to open wide for another bite.

It’s a good thing he’s a fantastic liar.

\--

After eating and helping Berwald with the dishes, he finishes up the laundry. Everything is so nice and neat. He’s a bit relieved all of the evidence he has about his double life isn’t at his apartment. The gun is still in his motorcycle trunk, but there’s nothing else to incriminate him with. Berwald mentions the metal band t-shirts he found and Timo talks his ear off about music and his favorite styles. It all surprises Berwald, but he’s getting used to realizing Timo isn’t a sweet angel. He likes things he wouldn’t think he’d like. He doesn’t cook or clean. If anything, their personalities are the opposite of their appearances. It’s funny, but he feels they fit well.

After some coaxing, Timo gets him to take him to the museum early. It isn’t all that exciting, though he teaches Berwald a few things about motorcycles in exchange for more knowledge on how to fix things. As a reward, Timo even holds his hand. He’s treated to ice cream, ordering the licorice kind, and then walks with Berwald back to the car, which Berwald insisted they take. Once back at Timo’s apartment, he lingers with him outside.

“I had a lot of fun. This is our first _real_ date, huh… It was nice. I’d like to do it again. And, I’d like to do what we did last night again. Call me the next time you start _fantasizing_ , okay?” Timo asks, smirking a bit. Berwald nods, his head ducked a bit. Leaning up, Timo brushes his hand over his face. He really is the perfect guy. _If only this could last a bit longer. Maybe he could get me out of here._

Berwald surprises him by leaning down, kissing Timo. He hums, holding him there to make sure it lasts. Once they part, he grins. “I’ll text you after work.”

“I look forward to it.” Berwald gets one last cheek kiss before he’s seen off. He drives back home, dreading running into Matthias. It’s going to be a long evening of interrogation. It’s better to get it over with, though, or else he’d have an even rougher time. Instead of going to his own apartment, he heads into Matthias and Lukas’.

“ _There_ ya are! Ya didn’t even leave a note this time,” Matthias says, feigning exasperation. Berwald rolls his eyes, giving a nod to Lukas, who is in the middle of getting ready to leave. His second job, when he isn’t managing Berwald’s shop, is still something he doesn’t really get. It’s an “odd-job” sort of company, but he knows it’s paying for Eíríkur’s education. That’s all there is to know, really. He waves and heads out, the door shutting. Berwald swallows hard, giving a glance to see Matthias grinning from ear to ear. “Spill it, dude. What happened? Did ya fuck!?”

“Not… really,” he admits. God, he was already shaking. Talking about it, let alone remembering it all in detail is something he still isn’t prepared for, no matter if this is Matthias or not. He sits down, avoiding looking his brother in the eye. Matthias had always been the more sexual of the two of them, having lost his virginity early on and going on for _days_ about the pornography he had stolen from their father’s stash. It never interested Berwald, so Matthias had to befriend other people who were more “chill” about that sort of thing.

And now, at age 25, he had to talk about his first sexual experience. Not counting the times he _had_ masturbated, this was something very new to him. He didn’t even know how to begin. It embarrasses him way too much.

“Okay, okay, that’s a start. So what was it? Touchin’, suckin’… I’m not tryin’ to be a perv, bro. Don’t worry about that,” Matthias reassures. In all honesty, he wants to very much help his brother. He knows his libido had never been on the “normal” side of the spectrum. What he knows about Berwald and his relationship with Timo, he wants to support him. His brother is in love for the first time. He needs advice. And a confidence booster. He crosses his arm, losing the grin in order to make Berwald more at ease.

“The first one.”

 _Not gonna even repeat it, huh._ He holds in a sigh, nodding his head. “That it?”

“Kissed, too,” Berwald adds. He shrugs, not sure what to make of it. Matthias assumes that’s it and he mulls it over. If it had been him, it wouldn’t have been phenomenal. It’s a miracle Berwald didn’t shut down from his nervousness, though. It’s quite a feat in this case.

“All right. Did ya _want_ to do somethin’ else? I know yer a virgin maiden and all that, but… look. I know yer nervous about it, but ya don’t haveta be so _scared._ I wanna help. Y’know. ‘Cause ya put up with my shit,” Matthias admits. He knows he can be a jerk and he knows he can be annoying. He’s pretty self-aware, contrary to what Lukas and Berwald might think at times. He just wants to be that someone who can kick them both out of their shells, even if for a little while. He doesn’t think they’d know what fun _is_ if it weren’t for him. But that just might be his ego working.

“Hmmm. I know. ‘m tryin’, really. Timo tries ta help me, too. I don’t know what ta _do._ ‘m scared I’ll mess up or hurt ‘im,” Berwald says, voice shaking. His lip quivers and he bites down, forcing himself to not get overly emotional about it. Matthias stays quiet, moving to clasp his hand on Berwald’s shoulder. It’s times like this that they, too, have an unsaid understanding of each other. They have been through tough times, such as their parents’ divorce and the move to the inner city. When Berwald had gotten into fights, Matthias was there to protect him from being bullied. He taught Berwald plenty of things. Even if he teased him and hey bickered, they’d come back to sitting by each other.

“Yer not gonna hurt ‘im. Yer _really_ gentle. It’s ridiculous. If ya don’t hurt cats and dogs, ya won’t hurt a guy. The internet’s got tons of information on sex. Ya don’t even have to watch porn if ya don’t wanna,” Matthias explains. He pats his shoulder, removing his hand. He knows a good amount about sex, straight or gay, but he wants Berwald to do his own research. He needs to acquaint himself and not be spoonfed it. It’d be awkward to teach his little brother, anyway. It’s not his style. “It’ll tell ya what ya should buy, too.”

Nodding, Berwald thinks it over. He never fully _researched_ sex before. He never got a good sex education as it was. Pornographic magazines and videos were what he knew. Maybe he could find things that were more close to real life, rather than the dramatized versions of sex. He knew not to trust porn, at least. He sighs, rubbing his forehead. Right. He would do it. He wouldn’t have sex with Timo right away, but at least they could start out slow and he wouldn’t be so damn clueless.

“Sounds good. Thanks.”

“Not a problem! Yer my little bro! I gotta help ya out _somehow._ Now, look, Luke’s got a long night tonight, so why don’t we get a few drinks?” he suggests.

“No, I… ‘m gonna go back ta my place. Need ta think. Maybe I’ll stop by later,” Berwald offers. Drinking is always a nice way out, but he doesn’t want to go to that just yet. He needs time alone to get his thoughts sorted. It’s what he does best. Matthias is understanding about it at least, nodding and seeing Berwald off. Once the door is shut, he sighs and shakes his head. _Good luck._

\--

Lukas adores the night air. It’s calming. Being away from Matthias can be nice. The guy isn’t a _bad_ guy by any stretch, but he can be overbearing and annoying. He knows he has his reasons for doing it, and he knows when it really pisses him off. Matthias is good at toning things down. He doesn’t get as many headaches as he used to. He’s gotten comfortable living with him. He’s also gotten comfortable with his daily routine. He goes out at night, but not for too long. He always lets Matthias know when he’s coming home so he can get things ready for him. A hot bath, a nice bed to come back to. He looks forward to it.

It might be a longer night, though. Lukas shuts his car door and locks it, hands in his pockets. He can hear the buzz of the insects in the night. He can hear the roar of the cars nearby. The city is alive during the night and during the day. It’s just how it is.

 _I could go for a drink_ , he thinks. He wants to unwind. He almost called in and said forget it, but he knows better. He’s needed and he needs his share. For his brother’s sake. Everything he does is for him. He reminds himself every night, to motivate himself to do what he has to. His hand grips the door and he lets out another breath. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone else, but every night takes something out of him. Every night he needs to prepare himself, because he always lives in fear that something might go wrong.

The door chimes when he enters, letting it swing shut behind him. His shoes hit the tiles and the sound resounds in his ears. He stops, looking over and giving a nod in greeting.

“You’re late, Luke,” Timo says.


	5. inside job

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter I have so far written for this work. It'll be on hiatus until I actually have time to keep writing, but I do plan to continue it. Thanks for reading so far!

Six years. It doesn’t seem like a very long time, but for being in a gang, it feels like ages. Lukas had been introduced to the idea through his friend, Timo, after running away from a few guys they had pissed off. Timo had been out of breath when he blurted out that they _should start a gang_ in order to survive. The two of them didn’t have much money, and Eíríkur was in Lukas’ care. He needed to get his little brother out of harm’s way. He wanted to send him to boarding school, to ensure his safety.

Naturally, he agreed to do it.

The two of them had to toughen up. He was far more skinny and lanky back then, and Timo had been a bit chubbier. They learned to fight from a shady ex-boxer, though they didn’t get to learn moves like they had seen on television. They knew enough. Timo gravitated toward guns, taking after his father, while Lukas had gone the direction of melee weapons. He carried a makeshift shiv for a long time, though he eventually went to a switchblade. It’s his staple now.

Through Timo, he had met Elizaveta. She hadn’t started her diner at that point, but it had been in the works. Elizaveta was like a sister to Timo, sharing the same sort of language and attitudes toward life. She’s a skilled fighter as well, which comes to no surprise. They all have to be in the city they live in. It isn’t the best of places to live, but it is affordable. That’s all that matters. The diner had been designed to work as both a family-friendly restaurant and a place for the gang to meet up at night, a sort of money-laundering scheme. In the office is their stash of weaponry, hidden even further. The plans had been drawn up by Lukas himself, who knew a few things about designing. Ludwig had been the one to actually construct the hidden area.

Gradually, they gained more members. Elizaveta had connections to Roderich, a local cop. Persuaded by Elizaveta, he had come to an agreement to protect the gang. One of their fellow members, Gilbert, did not take kindly to it all. Lukas knew, along with Timo, that Gilbert had his eyes on Elizaveta. Timo had been trying to set the two up, as Gilbert became his right-hand man. He was skillful and trustworthy at that point. Unfortunately, Elizaveta confided in Timo that she had fallen for Roderich, which was why she wanted him to be involved.

When Gilbert learned about it, all hell broke loose. He immediately fought with Roderich, threatening to turn him in for betraying the police force, not caring if the gang went down with it. He also threatened Elizaveta with getting her diner shut down. Timo shut him up. The fact Timo had not disowned Roderich had sent him in a fury. In the heat of his anger, he went to Ivan. He struck a deal. With that, he betrayed the gang. To this day, he continues to have a vendetta against Timo and Roderich – Timo for not helping him, and Roderich for stealing the woman he loves.

Because of how hard Timo had taken Gilbert’s betrayal, there were rumors the two had a deeper relationship. It wasn’t true, Lukas knew that much, but he never said anything to the others. If they got caught thinking like that, Timo could handle it on his own.

Around the same time, Lovino Vargas had abandoned the gang as well. His brother, Feliciano, was not involved in their escapades, but worked at the diner. Ludwig, Gilbert’s brother and Feliciano’s boyfriend, also keeps out of most of the business. He helps from time to time, but doesn’t contribute money or information. He prefers to stay neutral, and doesn’t say anything, so long as Feliciano is safe. Lovino had taken Gilbert’s leaving as a chance to get out himself. He wanted to work for Antonio, a friend of his, but the problem lay in the fact Antonio works on Ivan’s turf. Timo felt even further betrayed by that. While Gilbert and Lovino make deals with each other, Lovino refuses to work directly for Ivan.

None of it sits well with Timo. It doesn’t sit well with Lukas, either. These things happen in gangs, he knows that, but they had been like family. He worries that someday he’ll have to make a choice. That worry has worsened due to the fact Timo is dating Berwald.

 _Berwald, of all people..._ Lukas hates it. He dreads hearing about either of them talk about one another. He has kept quiet about telling Berwald who Timo is, simply because that in itself would be a form of betrayal. Timo doesn’t want him to know. Lukas doesn’t get what’s going through Timo’s mind, since this isn’t his style. He’s _dating_ Berwald. He hasn’t slept with him yet. There must be an ulterior motive, but he hasn’t figured out what that is. So long as he doesn’t do anything to hurt him, his lips are sealed.

Surely it won’t last. Timo’s “good boy” act will crumble at a point, especially since he’s planning on making a move. Ivan has taken a monopoly, making it harder for them to earn money without running into trouble. It isn’t just drugs; it’s parts for bikes and it’s the bikes themselves. It’s virtually anything they can think of. Timo is certain Gilbert had told Ivan what they did and where they worked. Lukas doesn’t doubt it.

He hears him setting up plans for a new sale. Timo suggests besides meth, which is different from his other plans. They hadn’t tried cocaine in a long while. The two drugs are similar, but they could get better deals on cocaine at this point. Timo wants to earn enough money to go get guns and sell them at a higher price. It’s a risk, but they are all on board for taking it. It’s something. Lukas sits back, watching as Timo marks places on a map.

 _What does he see in Berwald?_ He thinks to himself, bothered by the fact Berwald had been out last night. By how refreshed and less stressed Timo looks, he guesses they did something. He doesn’t really want to know what, but it bothers him immensely. Is he using him for that? Possibly. He just hopes Timo knows what he’s doing. He hopes he understands what Berwald is like.

He hopes Berwald doesn’t get hurt.

More than anything, he hopes he doesn’t hurt because of Timo. He wouldn’t forgive him. Lukas should have enough money if it comes to that. He does manage the shop Berwald works at (which wasn’t originally an auto shop at all). Thankfully, he knew a guy willing to sell it for a cheap price. The gang had planned to use that for money-laundering, but Elizaveta’s diner promised more revenue. Lukas can at least get easy, clean money thanks to Berwald’s skill.

All he has to do is earn enough to ensure Eíríkur will have a secure life. He doesn’t care so much about himself. Matthias is caring for him and he’s able to live in his apartment. Without him, he’d be living with Berwald. It wouldn’t be bad, but he wouldn’t want to burden him with that. They’re very independent people and they would probably have clashed. With Matthias, he’s balanced. It’s odd, but that’s how it’s come to be.

Lukas remains silent during the meeting. He’s distracted by many things, not wanting to be there that night. He just wants to drink himself silly. He knows it’s a growing problem, but thankfully Matthias knows when to pull the beer away from him. So long as he doesn’t relapse, it’s fine. It’s all good and fine.

“We’re going to focus on making, then selling. It’ll take a couple of months to get the amount we need. Once we get the guns and sell them, we should be back on our feet. We need to be stable in order to face Ivan. We can’t go otherwise,” Timo says, making a few last notes on the map. He won’t face Ivan without feeling confident. Taking him means he is willing to risk his life. He isn’t fully there yet. He needs to have _something_ of value before he does that.

Lukas isn’t happy that it’s coming to this, though. If he does intend to face Ivan, that means he intends to abandon Berwald. _So what is this all for? Why string him along like this?_ It’s a mystery to him. Timo looks up at him and smiles sweetly. It catches Lukas off-guard. He must know what he’s thinking. Surely Timo knows he’s connected to Berwald. He’s never mentioned him to Timo, but surely, he must know. It scares him, but he refuses to show it.

He leaves the diner, itching to get his mind off things. He can’t handle this. He can’t handle one of his closest friends being in the hands of Timo. Timo leads a _gang_ of all things. He’s murdered people. He’s dealt drugs and he knows how to use weapons. He’s shut up snitches with pistols.

Gripping the steering wheel, Lukas sits in the car a bit longer. He waits until Timo comes out, freezing as he sees him walk over. The tap on the window signals him to roll it down, which he does. He can’t show a sign of hesitation, or else Timo will interrogate him. That’s the last thing he needs.

“We should get coffee tomorrow. I’ll meet you here at opening time, before my shift starts,” Timo says. He isn’t smiling at that point. A red alarm goes off in Lukas’ mind, but he keeps calm. He nods and bids Timo goodnight. He waits until he sees his motorcycle ride off in the distance.

Lukas breathes out shakily, leaning his forehead on the steering wheel. His hands quiver and he only grips the wheel tighter. _Dammit. Dammit, dammit,_ dammit. After a few more moments staying like that, he straightens up and turns on the car, driving out of the diner’s parking lot.


End file.
